Learning from Experience – Purpose and Growth
Inspiration For This Post:
“Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson. I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards. Never regret your past. Rather embrace it as the teacher that it is.”
Quote from Robin Sharma’s International bestseller “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari“
Thoughts & Questions:
1. Statement: “Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson.”
– Some do not believe that everything happens for a reason and a purpose. What do you think?
– If you do not believe in this, why?
– If two people have the same experience, do they experience it differently? Why?
– How much failure is needed to grow? If we are not failing, are we living life to the fullest?
2. Statement: “Never regret your past. Rather embrace it as the teacher that it is.”
– Is there value in regret?
– Is there a more effective teacher than experience?
Purpose:
We are all on our journeys through life. Some of us sail through life, sometimes skimming the guard rails, while others seem to bounce off a few times.
The purpose of reflecting on quotes like these is to inform or remind us that we are all human and have failures. We are all on our journeys gaining wisdom through experience and personal discovery. When things happen in our lives, those experiences teach us.
While we ebb and flow through life, we will undoubtedly have good experiences and bad. What we learn from these experiences is up to us. Will we get better, or will we get bitter? If we rise above and choose to get better, we will continue on our journey to better things. If we choose “bitter,” we wallow in the past and forfeit the opportunity to experience a better life.
Learn from Enduring
Events happen because there are certain things we need to learn by living the experience. For some lessons, verbal guidance from others is too theoretical. Theory can not teach the essence of the lesson we need to learn to progress toward the next step on our journey. However challenging, the experience and the lesson prepares and equips us for what is ahead.
No regrets
“Never regret your past.” What a powerful statement. Many of us live with the regrets from our past and carry the burden for far too long. Maybe years. We may wonder what our lives would have been like if we would have made different choices. While it is healthy to reflect upon a situation and note what we have learned, we need to take the lesson with us and move on. However, it is critical not to skip this step; otherwise, we are at risk of making the same mistakes again.
However difficult, once we have extracted the lesson, it is healthy to set it aside, forgive, and possibly forget. Holding on to the hurt and the pain does not serve us. It holds us captive in our prison for as long as we allow it. The last thing we want to do is carry the burden and dwell on it.
We are not perfect
No matter how we look at it, we gain nothing from dwelling on the past. It validates that we are not perfect, but we can rest knowing that these lessons build upon the foundation of a bigger plan and a greater purpose
The Experience:
I have been one of those people who have bounced off the guard rail a few times. Reflecting on each time I ventured down the path toward a decision leading to great success or a miserable failure, I was pretty sure I was making the right choice based upon the circumstances.
The Catalyst
In 2006 I got married for a second time. I had been divorced for about five years, had three young daughters, and commuted two hours each day. The girls were in elementary school and living a stressful life going back and forth between their dad and me, spending fifty percent of their time which each of us. While in theory, it sounded like a good plan when we were working out the parenting-time details. In practice, it was not so good. The girls never knew whether they were coming or going. They frequently did not have the clothes or supplies they needed for school; each home had different rules and standards and they suffered from toil and inconsistency.
At about ten years old, my oldest daughter asked me why she and her sisters spent so much more time at their dad’s house than mine (even though our time was split exactly 50/50). They were suffering emotionally, and I could not stand to see how this schedule was wearing on them. I talked to my ex about changing the schedule to provide a better life and more consistency for the girls, and he would have no part of it.
The failure
Before round two, we made plans to sell our homes and buy a home together on the other side of town to reduce our commute time. The move would also force a change in schedule and solve my problem. While it solved one problem, it introduced a situation far worse.
After a short time, I figured out that my new partner was an alcoholic and a narcissist. In addition to those badges, he turned out to be a terrible father-figure. When dating, my impression was that he was a good man and had a kind heart. While I ultimately wondered about his parenting skills, I thought he was a decent man and would grow into it. I was very wrong, and I had no idea how bad it could be. The marriage lasted three years before we went our separate ways. Our married life was miserable, and the divorce was even worse. The nastiness, manipulation, and betrayal were like nothing I had ever seen, especially after such a short go.
The Lesson
While the experience was awful, we were blessed to come through it learning a lot about anger, betrayal, vulnerability, faith, forgiveness, trust, safety, and resiliency. Thankfully we came out stronger, better, and smarter. Most importantly, our mother-daughter bond became stronger than ever and we found joy, peace, and love on the other side.
Learning:
If we do not fail at times, we are probably playing it too safe and not pressing ourselves to learn and grow. It is okay to be imperfect; making mistakes and failing is part of our journey.
You probably have heard many times before, some of the most successful people in this world have failed more times than you would ever guess before hitting it big. They were successful because they pushed their limits and got back up after they failed. They never stopped trying.
Application:
It is my personal preference to stay off the guard rails by learning from the wisdom of others. My recommendation is to take your time when making big decisions. Journal about your thoughts and ideas, talk to friends and family about your vision or plan, read books, do research, and pray before embarking on big decisions. But avoid paralysis by analysis. Once you have spent some time doing your homework, confidently go forth and live life to the fullest.